Balance vs growth

One of the hardest things about being ambitious is that growth eventually begins to compete with your ability to live.

There's always something shiny for me to chase: another skill, language, qualification, opportunity, idea or version of myself to become.

In fact, I have three levels of friendship in my head:

• Have I shared an idea with you? I trust you.

• Have I tried convincing you to build that idea with me? We're friends.

• Have you actually gone ahead on that goose chase with me? You'll be godfather to one of my 10 kids.

Well, I digress.

I currently see so many possibilities that I sometimes feel guilty for not pursuing all of them.

But lately, I've started to deeply question what this ambition is costing me. I've invested time, money and energy in building things. Some have worked, others haven't, and some have taken far more than they ever gave back.

Yet, even when I have an opportunity to build stability, my mind is already wandering somewhere else. Looking for the next strategic move. It's almost as if I've become so accustomed to chasing the next version of myself that I've forgotten to experience the current one.

I honestly don't want to wake up 10 years from now with a cool résumé, a graveyard of abandoned projects, and very little evidence that I actually enjoyed being alive.

Maybe growth isn't about doing more. Maybe it's about knowing what deserves your energy, what doesn't, and what simply needs time.

I still want the big things. Don't get me wrong. But I want growth that doesn't sacrifice my peace, ambition that doesn't neglect the people close to me, and progress that doesn't constantly make me feel inadequate.

I want to grow, but I also want to live. And for once, I'd like those two things to happen at the same time.

As a wise philosopher on the run once said, it's about eating your cake and having it.

That.